Monday, 27 July 2009

To Be Fat Like Me - The War with The Weight

Do you know what is it feel to be fat like me?

I've struggled for more than 2 years to cut my weights back. Well, it was a very bad memory. I still remembered all the day i'd gone through. I made plan on every meal I ate. I did so many workouts. I'd tried so many exercises. Just name it, from gym, hired a personal trainer, aerobics, treadmills, swimming, bicycling, even capoeira. Thanks to God, I did lost some weights. I was 69 kgs when I started my diet. After 2 years, I successfully lost about 10 kgs.

Because I was too busy, I didn't do as many workouts as before. However, I still could lose another 3 kgs. So now, I'm 56 kgs. Even though lots of people said that I'm slimmer enough, I'm not satisfy enough. I want to loose another 5-6 kgs. I don't even mind if I can loose until 10 kgs!

I'm getting married in the next three months, so it's important to me to be in good shape. Especially when your husband gonna-be is a very handsome one. He's tall, really in good shape. No wonder every woman will fall in love wih him, or at least adore him from behind. Sometimes I feel so ugly when I go out with him. I feel that people think like these about us:

"why the man choose that girl? he could find prettier woman than her!"

"I'm prettier than her, he's much better to be my boyfriend"

See? those thoughts always cross my mind all the time. Moreover, I feel so bad when he pinch my upper arms, my waist, and my hips. It's very intimidating, though I know that he didn't mean to make me feel that way. That's why sometimes I lose my appetite while eating. I can't get rid those thoughts from my head.

And today... We went to a wedding party. When I was still at home, put on some make-up, got dressed. I felt pretty enough for him. That's what I thought. Unfortunately, it didn't stand long. When we arrived at the party, suddenly I felt as if I was the fattest and the ugliest woman there. I was surrounded by beautiful women, and it was obvious that they are slimmer than me. I lost my appetite instantly. I didn't feel like eating anything there. Although the food were very tempting. I really didn't enjoy the party. How could I?! I was intimidated by the people there... Really made me down...

Then, when I came home, all I could think about was my body. I'm not slim enough. I'm not pretty enough. For him... I just want to give my best to him, to my husband gonna-be. Is it wrong? Now, I can't stop crying thinking about it.

So, I promise to myself tomorrow I'll start my diet again. From the begining. I'll do anything to get rid of these fats and weights. I know it will be a hard time for me, but people have to survive, right? we have to struggle to get what we want.

Now, I announce that I'm having a war with my weight....just wish me luck and I can be the winner...



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